


Molding the broken

by minnix



Category: Kpop - Fandom, bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Exes meet again, Happy Ending, M/M, bts - Freeform, jikook - Freeform, jikook angst, kookmin, kookmin angst, kpop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-01-26 13:20:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21374785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnix/pseuds/minnix
Summary: It visibly broke jeongguk, sending him down a spiral of depression and regret. Every passing day felt like a chore, and every day it got harder.But Jimin was visibly fine. Partying, dancing, drinking… not a care in the world. He was happy being in denial.Well, he was happy until his wall of denial came crashing down.orJimin and Jeongguk break up on bad terms, neither of them being in fault of the situation. Jeongguk allows his feelings to take over whilst Jimin ignores them and drowns them out with loud music and alcohol. But they meet again and Jimin breaks
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook & Park Jimin, Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin, Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin (15&), Park Jimin & Jeon Jungkook
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	1. Contrasting

**Author's Note:**

> My first AO3 fanfic! Please enjoy <3

Suffocation, that’s what it feels like. Or at least, that’s how Jeongguk would explain it anyway. Pure asphyxiation. Every night the agony, heartache and sorrow drowns him, depriving him of his breath and his sanity.

If it was for the best then why does it hurt so badly? 

This is one of the many questions running through his frantic mind as he attempts to complete a task as simple as breathing. He doesn’t understand why he has the worst of it. Yet he blames himself, his stupid, naive mind.

Why must he feel all of the pain? 

Another question causing his head to pound agonizingly.

Does he really not care at all?

So stupid, of course he doesn’t. He never did, right?

He lands on the bathroom tiles near the isolated iPhone that had dropped from his hands a couple of minutes ago. He sobs, his heart wrenches and he begs for it to stop.

Yet it doesn’t, it never does. 

He should be happy for Jimin, he thinks. He should be glad that the older has moved on and finally found happiness once again but the sheer thought of Jimin forgetting and letting go of what they once had and what they went through makes him feel physically ill. 

He’s been left behind, once again.

Jimin was the only person who would wait for him, Jimin was the only person who would go back for him yet Jimin is now the person who is leaving him to dwell in the past whilst he flourishes into the future. 

A future without him.

Sometimes, he likes to imagine himself standing at the altar, waiting patiently for Jimin to walk down the isle. Or he’ll imagine a moonlit dinner by the beach, a box in his pocket itching to be released, revealing a gorgeous ring, or sometimes he imagines him and Jimin sitting in their luxurious apartment with their daughter running around along with their cute, fluffy dog.

But then reality kicks in and the pain is unbearable. 

And the fact that there is nobody to blame makes it even worse and it makes him feel stupid. Why is he angry at something that was meant to be? Why is he so upset with the fact that fate chose a different path? He’s lost, he doesn’t know where his fated path is leading to, and it terrifies him. 

Everything was perfect, it was too perfect. They didn’t care and it came and bit them right in the ass leaving them to wallow in pain and despair. Well at least one of them, anyway. 

Finally he manages to gain enough strength to drag himself so that he’s standing. At least the sleeping pills are kicking in, he thinks. He doesn’t know how many he’s taken, yet he doesn’t really care anymore either. 

•••

How many shots does it take to drown out your thoughts? He didn’t count, but however much he’s had was more than enough to do so. Taehyung chuckles as he drags Jimin out to the dance floor, they stumble many times but eventually make it to the centre. 

“How you feeling?” Taehyung shouts over the blaring music.

“Good! Just dance with me, yeah?” Jimin offers his hand before dancing along with his best friend, too drunk to function never mind process a thought. 

Maybe Taehyung should be more responsible, maybe he should ask his best friend how he really is. He should know that there’s something up when Jimin begs him to drink with him nearly every single day. But Jimin doesn’t give him the chance. Jimin is so busy begging, drinking and dancing that Taehyung doesn’t get the chance to see the broken parts. He doesn’t notice the pain delved deep within. 

Yet again, that’s nobody’s fault.

Jimin knows he’s partying to forget, not to have fun. Yet he doesn’t care because it works. Sure he feels the pain once he’s sober but as long as he drinks daily then the pain won’t exist in his daily life anymore. 

His brain screams at him whilst he dances, frantic voices begging him to stop and listen but he pays no mind. The voices eventually suffocate and drown out due to the poison being rapidly consumed. Maybe those voices are the reason he drinks, he doesn’t know and he doesn’t care. 

Being sober means being weak, and the last time he was weak he ended up putting an end to the best thing that had ever happened to him. So he needs to make sure the best never happens again, he fears of losing it once more. Because god knows what would happen if he did


	2. Unbearable

The sun burns through his eyelids causing him to grunt loudly. 

“Fuck.” 

He rolls over, immediately regretting so as he feels the need to vomit. Instantly he jumps to his feet and runs into the bathroom, vomiting profusely into the once white toilet bowl. 

After ten minutes of constant strain on his stomach and burning in his throat he walks back into his bedroom feeling like absolute death. He then remembers that he has class at 12pm today and it’s already 11:13am.

He just hopes that they won’t bump into each other today, or see each other at all. 

It’s tiring, pretending to be okay when you’re not. He has to be okay, he told jeongguk that this was so that they could both recover and evolve into better versions of themselves, yet now he isn’t even himself anymore. 

He can’t run back to Jeongguk and expect him to catch him as he falls down this deep hole of pain and regret, because jeongguk might be fine. Jeongguk might be recovering without him. And he’s happy with that, because as long as Jeongguk is okay, he doesn’t care. 

Eventually he manages to gain enough courage to take on the task of showering, which mainly consists of Jimin standing, crying and sighing into the open air for nobody in particular to hear. The shampoo suds drip down his forehead and land in his eyes, yet he doesn’t feel the pain because he’s been crying for so long that he’s become completely numb to the stinging pain. 

After his not so relaxing shower he drags himself back into his bedroom and tugs a clean set of clothes over his delicate, toned yet weakened body. He didn’t check what clothes he had picked out today, the only person he’d ever need to impress is the one person he hopes to never see again. Or so he says. He slings his duffelbag over his shoulder and prepares for his departure. As he eventually leaves the apartment he takes a deep breath, hoping that maybe it’ll be enough to free himself of the unnerving hold he has on himself. It isn’t, but he guesses it was worth the try. Anything’s worth a try at this point. The wind whispers into his ears, biting as it passes, he wonders if the bite is from the harsh words that he cannot hear from the wind, or if the bite was to replace the harsh words the wind wants to say but doesn’t have the courage to. 

Or maybe it’s just nature.

It’s natural for the wind to pass by in large gusts, only leaving behind that short but painful bite afterwards. It’s natural for the rain to dribble miserably from the sky, causing an unsure debate within one’s mind, to take an umbrella and take the risk of the rain stopping, leaving you with an unnecessary large object to carry around? Or do you shrug and say fuck it, running quickly to your destination hoping in the meantime that the rain will stop? Either way you’re taking a risk with the rain. The uncertainty of rain is what makes it so frustrating.

The rain doesn’t stop, but this time Jimin doesn’t care. He walks into his university building with a grunt, he can only hope that dancing takes his mind away from his dark thoughts today. Hoseok greets him with a warm smile as he enters the studio.

“Jiminie! How are you?” Hoseok asks kindly as Jimin places his bag on a nearby bench. 

“I’m doing okay…” Jimin shrugs without making eye contact, he unzips his bag and takes out his dancing shoes.

“Things will get better Jiminie… just give it time, okay? We should meet up soon, I feel like I haven’t seen you outside of uni in ages.” Hoseok preaches.

“Just go to the nearest club, he’s bound to be there every night.” Jungwoo scoffs as he passes by, Hoseok rolls his eyes.

“Don’t listen to-”

“It’s fine Hoseokie okay? I’m fine… just, don’t worry about me too much, okay?” Jimin gives a hollow smile, Hoseok sees that. Hoseok sees his pain, he doesn’t say anything except those little words of reassurance here and there… he just hopes he isn’t annoying Jimin.

As he glides along the floor, his thoughts seem almost non existent. Almost. This is the closest he can get to inner peace these days, yet he can’t dance outside of class hours because he simply hasn’t got the effort or strength. He hardly has the strength to get up in the mornings, never mind doing an activity that would benefit himself, who is he to save himself when he ended his own happiness on his own will? 

******

Yoongi called today. He asked ho Jeongguk was. A one word reply is all he gave,  
“Fine.”  
Really? He gave a one word reply to describe how he was being torn apart, drowned and slaughtered by his own thoughts from the inside. 

Jimin went out again last night.

That one sentence runs around in his mind. How can he go out partying when Jeongguk hardly got himself to class this afternoon? It just doesn’t seem fair. The pain, can Jimin just feel that for one day? Can he feel the same and just come back? 

He feels stupid for doing so much as wanting it. But he’s selfish. He wants Jimin and nothing more, nothing less. A knock on the door awakens him from his thoughts. He opens it to see his brother Seokjin along with his husband Namjoon. Seokjin immediately pulls him in for a long, tight hug. Without noticing, tears begin to leak from Jeongguk’s eyes.

“I’m sorry gguk-ah.” Seokjin mumbles into his brother’s neck before he pulls away. Jeongguk sniffles.

“It’s fine, nothing good ever lasts for me anyway.” Jeongguk sighs. Usually right about now Seokjin would make a joke like “yah! What about me?!” but seeing his brother in pain like this, he can’t physically bring himself to do so. 

“You’ll be better off gguk, he wouldn’t do something like this if he didn’t think it was for the best. He loves you gguk.” Namjoon says as they make their way onto the sofas.

“Loved. He loved me Joon.” Jeongguk states.

“You’re not that stupid Jeongguk… you know him. You know he’d never hurt you unknowingly for no reason.” Namjoon replies. Jeongguk replies with silence, knowing that Namjoon’s right but not wanting to admit it to himself.

“Have you guys spoken?” Seokjin asks. Jeongguk shakes his head ‘no’ in response.

“I think you should talk at some point… not now necessarily but when you’re ready. You were best friends gguk… you can’t really be throwing this away because a relationship won’t work.” Namjoon suggests. Tears spill from Jeongguk’s eyes.

“I’ll never be ready Namjoon, not for a friendship. I’m in love with him. I wouldn’t be able to cope with the pain, I could never look him in the eye and not fall ten feet deeper madly in love with him. How is that fair? How can I keep a friendship that completely tears me apart and rips me up? You really expect me to do that? And for what, for old times sake? What about now Namjoon, what about the pain and suffering I’m feeling now Namjoon? I don’t care wether he wanted to hurt me or not because he did. The pain is existent wether or not he wanted it to.” Jeongguk sobs.

“God listen to me! I’m blaming him now… I’m a fucking monster. I-It just hurt you know? I just… I want something to blame. That something isn’t him… it never could be. I just can’t stand to see him. I can’t stand the fluttering in my heart, pain in my stomach and numbness in my face. It’s too much. I can’t do it anymore…” Jeongguk completely breaks for the third time that week, Seokjin and Namjoon hold him tight, listening to the younger’s heart wrench into the open air to nobody in particular. To nobody but Jimin.


	3. All of this is no coincidence

After many tears, reassuring words and warm hugs, the boys are brought to silence. 

“Want to go out tonight? Take your mind off of things?” Seokjin suggests. “You can ask Yoongi to join too, he’s not one to turn down a night of alcohol.” He adds. Jeongguk grunts.

“I don’t know hyung…” Jeongguk sighs uncertainly. 

“I think it’s a good idea… you deserve to be free from that crowded mind of yours.” Namjoon shrugs.

“I-I guess… As long as we don’t go to the tropics… I know that’s where he usually goes.” Jeongguk gives in.

“Of course, just ask Yoongi and we’ll sort a time that way.”

*******

He sighs as he stares up at his ceiling. He wants to go out again tonight but he doesn’t know whether or not Taehyung will accompany him, so he decides to pick up his phone and send a text.

Jimin: wanna go out again tonight??

TaeTae: not again jiminie :((

Jimin: pleaseeee :((

TaeTae: you cant keep distracting yourself

Jimin: im not

TaeTae: jimin…

Jimin: I swear im fine tae, i just wanna go out :(

TaeTae: jiminie… not tonight sorry :((

Jimin: okay :( 

TaeTae: im sorry :(

Jimin: its okayyyy

It’s not really okay, but how is he meant to tell Taehyung that?

He then gets an idea, maybe Hoseok will join him. He decides to text.

Jimin: hyung?

Hoseokie: Hi jimin ( ^ω^ )

Jimin: Want to go out tonight? You said we should meet up outside uni :)

Hoseokie: Sure! What time? ＼(^o^)／

Jimin: Yay! Is 8pm good? 

Hoseokie: Yep, sounds great! There’s this really cool place I’ve been wanting to go to, could we go tonight? (・ω・)

Jimin: Sure! I was getting bored of going to the same place each time anyway 

Hoseokie: You say that as if you go drinking all the time Jiminie 

Jimin: I don’t! It’s just when I do I always go to the same place 

Hoseokie: I was joking Jiminie, I’ll come around your place around 7:30pm? 

Jimin: Okay! Here’s my address [address attached] 

Hoseokie: See you later! ^_^

Jimin: Bye hyung! 

He sighs in relief, he’s getting drunk again tonight. After staring at his ceiling for a while he eventually drags himself off of his warm bed. Clothes fly around the room as he tries to find an outfit he’s satisfied with. 

He looks himself up and down in the mirror, it’s ok, he thinks to himself. As he waits for Hoseok to arrive he scrolls aimlessly through twitter and instagram, anything to distract himself from his thoughts. Of course it isn’t healthy, but it’s the only way he can cope nowadays. Seeing other people live their lives as usual is just as calming as it is frustrating, he’s able to live as normal but only with that one voice in the back of his mind. How come these people live so freely when he’s trapped within himself? It’s so ridiculous and unfair.

Knock knock

Finally.

Freedom.

*********  
The club is full, it’s hot, sweaty and too much for Jeongguk. He takes as many shots as he can in order to drown out the screaming voice in the back of his mind begging him to leave, he needs this right? He needs to let loose. 

“Those two are disgusting.” Yoongi scoffs, staring over at Namjoon and Seokjin who are quite literally eating each other alive on the sofa at the corner of the club. Jeongguk chuckles.

“Let loose hyung! Leave them to it, dance!” Jeongguk hiccups as he stumbles into a crowd, dragging yoongi along with him. 

Jeongguk doesn’t keep track of time or Yoongi as he dances alone in the heated shadows of others. The lights flash, the music blares and he lets himself go. Someone grinds against him and he plays along, he doesn’t see their face nor does he want to. After a while the person begins to laugh and so does he, it’s a girl. She gets in close, feels his neck up and down.

“You dance well, wanna show me what else those hips can do?” She practically mewls. But just as Jeongguk is about to reply, he sees Yoongi over her shoulder talking to somebody and waving him over. He raises an eyebrow before sighing.

“Gotta go, hyungie’s calling!” He giggles before pushing the girl off and throwing himself in Yoongi’s direction.

“Jeonggukkie! This is Hoseok, he came with a friend but he was ditched.” Yoongi chuckles.

“Jiminie’s a wild one.” Hoseok laughs.

Jiminie? My Jiminie? 

Stop. There are so many Jimins in Korea, it’s a popular name.

“It’s ok, you have us!” Jeongguk decides to ignore his thoughts once again. 

“You guys up for some dancing?” Hoseok raises an eyebrow. Yoongi nods and looks up to Jeongguk for assurance.

“Let’s goooo!” Jeongguk drunkenly screams.

“We might find Jiminie again… unless he’s gone home with someone.” Hoseok laughs before dragging them into the flooded crowd. 

After what feels like hours of dancing Jeongguk has lost track of his friends one again. He feels like he’s in heaven, heat coursing through his veins, freedom eating him alive. An angel, that’s what he sees when he opens his eyes. An all too familiar angel. The angel dances with his eyes shut, trapped within his own world, thoughts and feelings. Jeongguk is sure that he can feel his stare because suddenly they’re making eye contact. Jeongguk has two choices, walk away or approach. Sober Jeongguk would have gone home and cried, but he’s drunk. He doesn’t know where his confidence comes from when he approaches the smaller and drags him, slamming him against a nearby wall.

“J-Jeonggukie…” Jimin chokes. 

“Fuck you.” Jeongguk growls as he furrows his brows.

“I’m sorry Jeong-

“No, shut up! Why do you get to go out and have fun?! I’m hurting you asshole!” Jeongguk slurs his words.

“I’m hurti-

Jimin doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Jeongguk crashes his own lips against the olders plump ones. The nostalgia rushes through his veins as Jimin responds, they don’t think of what will come of this, what will come of them. Jimins hands begin to explore Jeongguk’s almost foreign body, Jeongguk does the same. They begin to whine into the kiss.

“M-my apartment?” Jimin asks in between kisses.

“Take me home.” Jeongguk hums back.


End file.
